I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
