i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
