I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize
