apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You don't make any sense
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