It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
