I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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