went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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