are you so shy because you have an std?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
