The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
