Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
