We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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