one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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