Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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