"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
