we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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