so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
