Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
