Already got asked if we're dating
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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