She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
