She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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