If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
