well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
