I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
