shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
