she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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