why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
