I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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