I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
