carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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