well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
