So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
