Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
