it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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