so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
