i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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