areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
