She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
