She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
