They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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