I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
zippers are such a cool invention
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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