did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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