Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
