yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
