Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
