i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
