would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
