just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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