I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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