I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
