Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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