is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
