We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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