..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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