his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
